i can't believe i had my finger in that
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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