you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
