I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I cut my penus on the lid.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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