She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
