Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
