Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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