Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
