Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
