somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
