you win again, gameday.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
