WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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