we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He? As in you personified your dick?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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