I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
