tell your sister to shave her snatch
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
