I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
