Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
