I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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