he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Found your dick twin last night
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
