If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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