U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
