So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
this is an emotional support booty call
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I lost the right to judge tonight
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