Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
