Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
