Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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