It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I believe in your delicious
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
