We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
