If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
