***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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