Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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