I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
my liver is dry heaving
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
