turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
