I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
