He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
