the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
