I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
lol hangovers are for mortals.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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