Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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