Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
this beer tastes like vomit already
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Randomize
