You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
