fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i love accidental penises.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
