Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
