Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
