I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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