but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
