sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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