I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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