woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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