I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
