Sry I called you an 8
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
