my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
