dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
