Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
