she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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