She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
