I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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