Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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