I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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