We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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