I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
party gras won. party gras always wins.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Randomize
